three little words by ashley rhodes courter

When I did something wrong, my pre-adoptive parents docked my allowance or cut back on TV or telephone time.

I could help myself to as many boxes of macaroni and cheese, bowls of ramen noodles or grilled-cheese sandwiches as I wanted. There were no locks on the refrigerator or scheduled mealtimes. I had my first pet, a kitten named Catchew that slept on my bed. I could use the phone anytime I wanted, and lots of the calls were for me. Overnights are forbidden in foster care, but now I had and went to slumber parties. For the first time, I could have friends over, and my all-star softball team came to swim after our games. I loved my new waterfront house, with my own room and a bathroom I didn't have to share. My parents have two biological kids who are grown they thought raising a daughter might fill their empty nest. Everything seemed to be going well, but would that change after the papers were signed? And just because it was ''official,'' did that mean they would not send me back if I didn't live up to their expectations? I had been living with my new family for eight months. Nobody is perfect, and children who have already been rejected by their parents - or at least feel they've been - are hoping that someone will love them no matter how they behave.

People made promises about ''forever families,'' but often something went wrong. I also saw them return - even after being placed with a family - with their tails between their legs.

For more than two and a half years I watched the few lucky dogs pack up their belongings, wave goodbye and exit the gate. Do you remember the movie ''The Cider House Rules,'' when the orphans try to smile in just the right way so they will be picked by the couple shopping for a child? While it wasn't supposed to be so obvious at the Children's Home of Tampa, prospective parents did act as though they were looking at puppies in a pet shop. So why would this one be any different? Before this placement, I had been in residential care (the politically correct name for an orphanage). Some homes had lasted less than a week few more than a year. I had spent almost 10 of my 12 years in foster care I was now living in my 14th placement. It was one of those memorable occasions that families treasure, but this is one ''treasure'' I would rather bury. Every time I see the videotape, I cringe. I never thought three little words would have such an impact on my life, even though they weren't the words I was supposed to say. Junior, Crystal River High School, Crystal River, Fla.

Three little words by ashley rhodes courter